


Neighbourly

by my_mad_fatuation



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn moves in next door to Rae, but they get off to a bumpy start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If there was one thing Rae hated more than doing the washing up, it was… No, wait; there was nothing Rae hated more than doing the washing up. But her flatmate, Archie, who normally did all the cleaning around the flat was on a strike, forcing Rae to tackle the dishes that had been piling up for days.

It wasn’t just laziness, though. She had a tactile aversion to putting her hands in dirty dishwater, and she hated the feel of rubber gloves. But when she realized there were no clean bowls for her to have her morning cereal, she figured she’d better do something.

She’d made her way through the stack of dishes, but when she got to the bottom plate she found some unrecognizable food scraps. She wrinkled her nose in disgust as she scraped them into the nearly overflowing bin before sticking the plate in the sink. She reckoned she ought to empty the bin while she was at it.

She left the plate to soak while she tied up the bin liner and left the flat to take it to the trash chute. It was on her way there that she spotted a young man with a dolly full of moving boxes stepping out of the lift. A mover, she assumed. She smiled politely as she passed and he nodded slightly in acknowledgment.

Returning from the chute, she passed him again on his way back to the lift with the empty dolly. “Morning,” she said.

“Yeah,” he muttered as he walked past without slowing down.

_Well, I don’t like when people bother me while I’m working, either_ , she thought to herself as she entered her flat.

Archie walked in several minutes later, having returned from his usual Saturday morning coffee run. “I just bumped into the cutest guy moving boxes into the flat next door,” he said, tossing his keys into a ceramic bowl that Rae had painted (rather poorly) when she took a class a few years ago.

“Oh, the mover guy?” said Rae, unimpressed. “Yeah, I ran into him too.”

“He’s not a mover, he lives there.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“I talked to him.”

“What do you mean you talked to him? He barely said a word to me.”

Archie shrugged. “I dunno. We just started chatting on the way up here. He told me how he’d just broken up with his girlfriend which was why he needed to move.”

“So I don’t even get a ‘good morning’ and you get his life story?”

“You should be thanking me for getting this intel. Now we know he’s straight—which sucks for me—but also that he’s single, which is good news for you.”

Rae scoffed. “Not interested, thanks.”

“Why not?”

“You know I don’t go out with guys who’ve just split up.”

“Lately you don’t go out with guys at all.”

“I go out with you.”

“Doesn’t count.”

“I hate this culturally pervasive myth that a person needs to be in a romantic relationship to be happy. I have other good relationships in my life.”

“Who said anything about a relationship?”

“Go away.”

But Archie was right. It had been a long time since Rae had been on a date, let alone done anything else. And while part of her wanted all that romantic (and maybe not-so-romantic) business, she prided herself on her ability to survive and thrive without it. She had herself. She had friends. She was set. She didn’t need to hop into bed with the first pretty boy to move in next door.

Especially considering the fact that every time she saw him in the corridor over the next week, he’d barely even look at her, let alone make conversation.

***

“Wait! Hold the lift!” Rae called out as she entered her building and saw the lift doors about to close.

The person inside stuck out their hand to keep the door from closing until Rae got in.

“Thanks,” she said before she realized who was holding the door. “Oh. Hi.”

The next-door neighbour gave a slight nod and pressed the button for their floor.

“Are you a singer?” he said after a minute.

“What? No. What?”

“I hear you singing in the shower in the mornings.”

“Oh.” She was a bit embarrassed, but also a bit flattered that he thought she was a singer.

“Yeah. It’s really annoying.”

Her ego deflated. “Well, your inordinately loud blender is super annoying in the morning too,” she huffed.

“I’ll make a note.”

***

For Rae, weekends were meant for sleeping in. Sure, as a freelance writer who worked from home, technically she could sleep in any day she wanted. But she made a point to get up early on weekdays to maintain a work routine. (Though, admittedly, she let things slide from time to time.)

It was one thing for the next-door neighbour to use his noisy blender early on weekdays, but on weekends? Uh-uh. Unacceptable.

Rae wrenched herself out of bed, pulled her housecoat on over her pyjamas, and stomped over to the next flat. She pounded on the door angrily until the neighbour answered.

“Do you have to be quite so loud this early in the morning?” she said before he could even acknowledge her. “Some of us like to sleep in on Sundays.”

“But it’s nearly half eight,” he said, giving her a once-over.

“Exactly! Too early to be making milkshakes or whatever.” She gestured towards the blender on the kitchen counter that she could see past his shoulder. “Ugh, why is it green?”

“Because it’s a spinach smoothie.”

She gave him a look like that was the most disgusting thing she’d ever heard. “Why?”

“It’s good for you.”

“So is broccoli, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna eat it for breakfast.” (Or ever, really. She hated green foods.)

“I’m not going to change what I eat just because you’re a lazy shit who doesn’t want to get out of bed before noon.”

“Excuse me?”

He pressed his tongue against his teeth like he was trying not to smile, clearly amused by his insult.

“Look, buddy,” she said with her hands on her hips. “I work up to sixty hours a week, so pardon me for wanting to relax on Sundays.” (This was only partially true; while she had worked a few sixty-hour weeks, most were about thirty. But he didn’t need to know that.)

“Well, this has been a fun chat, but some of us actually have to work on Sundays, too, so if you don’t mind, I’m just gonna…”

And with that he shut the door.

***

“Can you believe him?” Rae said loudly when she got back inside her flat.

“Believe who?” said Archie, who was up early every day anyway.

“Him,” she said, pointing her thumb in the direction of the neighbour’s flat.

“Oh, Finn?”

“What?”

“That’s his name; Finn.”

“Fine, whatever, but can you believe he has the nerve to make his disgusting smoothies at full volume this early on a Sunday morning? This is God’s day, ya know.”

“Rae, you’re an atheist.”

“I know, but still. I need a reason to be outraged right now because he just pisses me off so much I can’t even—“

“What is the big deal? The blender is on for less than a minute. Just go back to bed if it’s that important to you.”

“But it’s interrupted my flow now,” she whined.

“Well, if you’re up anyway…” He cast a glance towards the dishes piling up in the sink and Rae let out an exasperated groan.

***

Going to the supermarket was another one of those tasks that Archie was boycotting out of frustration with Rae, therefore she had to go by herself this week. He’d made her a list, so all she had to do was stick to it and she’d be fine.

“Chicken broth?” she mumbled to herself in the soup aisle. “But what kind of chicken broth? Low sodium? Gluten-free? Does chicken even have gluten in it? Why is this so difficult?”

“Are you actually going to buy any of these or are you just browsing?”

Rae turned to see Finn standing behind her with a smug look on his face. “What do you want?” she said with a weighted sigh.

“This,” he said, reaching past her for the low sodium vegetable broth.

He walked away without another word, and she didn’t see him again until she was at the checkout lane and he came up behind her. She cursed under her breath, but he didn’t seem to notice and just started loading his items onto the belt after hers.

After paying, she fumbled to get her card back in her wallet before she could finish bagging her groceries. Finn’s were already coming down the conveyor towards her as she tried frantically to pack up her own. She hated how she always felt she was being rushed out of the store, but this time was worse because of him, waiting impatiently for her to move out of the way.

She made it out of the store and stopped by the curb to call a cab.

“You forgot this,” said Finn, approaching her from the side as he held a shopping bag in his outstretched arm.

“Oh, thanks,” she said as she took the bag from him. She had been in such a rush leaving that she’d missed it.

“D’you wanna split a cab?” he asked.

“Are you serious?”

“We’re going to the same place. It would save us both money.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

When the cab arrived, they piled their shopping bags in the back seat between them.

“I’m surprised you use reusable shopping bags,” said Finn, noticing that they both had the same bags.

“Why does that surprise you?” she snapped.

“You’re just so busy and all, I didn’t think you’d have the time to remember to bring your own bags,” he said sarcastically. “Why are you shopping on a Wednesday afternoon, anyway? What about your sixty-hour work week?”

“For your information, I’m a writer and I work from home. Why aren’t you at work anyway?”

“Day off.”

“From what?”

“Café.”

“You’re a barista?” she said, trying not to laugh. She thought that baristas needed better people skills than he seemed to have.

“Um. Sure.”

She gathered up her bags when they arrived at their building and followed him inside, though he barely held the door open for her at all. She had to use her foot to catch it before it closed.

They got the lift up to their floor where he pushed ahead of her to get out first. She set down her bags outside her flat to fish out her keys, but the door opened before she could get them.

“I thought I heard something,” said Archie.

He helped Rae bring the groceries into the kitchen where he began to put things away, stopping at the last bag.

“Uh, Rae, I gave you a list, right?” he said.

“Yeah. I got everything on it except chicken broth ‘cause I didn’t know what kind you wanted.”

“Okay, but why did you buy vegan protein powder and baby spinach? You hate spinach.”

“What? I didn’t— …Oh.” She came over and took the bag from him. “I’ll be right back.”

She brought the bag next door where she knocked several times before Finn answered.

“What do you want?”

Rae couldn’t help but notice that he had changed from the plaid flannel shirt he had been wearing a couple minutes ago into just a fitted tee with the sleeves rolled up. She tried to keep her eyes from wandering…

“There seems to have been a mix-up,” she explained, shoving the bag towards him.

He frowned and looked inside the bag. “Oh. Hold on.”

She stood in the doorway as he went into the kitchen to look through his shopping bags until he found hers. “Here,” he said as he handed it over. “Obviously I didn’t buy Jaffa Cakes.”

“Obviously,” she sneered, snatching the bag from him quickly so he couldn’t continue to judge her purchases. She walked away before he had the chance to shut the door in her face.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of Finn’s blender woke Rae earlier than usual on Saturday, so she made a point of singing extra loudly in the shower that morning. (Though, as she would later find out, he was not around to hear it by that point.)

She was still in her dressing gown when Archie returned with their Saturday morning coffee. “You’re back early,” she said to him as he handed her a brown paper cup with the name _Green Bean Café_ printed on the side. “And this isn’t Starbucks.”

“Yeah, I ran into Finn on his way to work and he suggested it,” Archie explained. “Of course, he works there, but he swears it’s good. It’s Fair Trade, you know.”

“La-dee-da.” She took a cautious sip in case it was still very hot. “Why does it taste funny?”

“They use organic coconut milk. It’s a vegan café, obviously.”

“You say that like I was supposed to already know.”

“Well, he is vegan, so…”

“Is he? But he’s, like, got muscles and stuff. And no beard.”

“Vegans come in all shapes and sizes, Rae. And levels of hirsuteness.”

She took another sip of her coffee. Once she got over the distinctive taste of the coconut milk, it wasn’t bad. Which annoyed her. She wanted to hate everything that Finn liked.

***

The next few days, it seemed that the noise from the blender was going on for longer. Well over a minute, Rae thought. Unless Finn was making old boot smoothies, it was unnecessary. She retaliated by singing Britney Spears songs at the top of her lungs—or as much of the lyrics as she could remember, having never been a fan.

By mid-morning, all was silent, however, and had been for some time. She stared at the blank document on her computer for what seemed like hours, periodically checking Twitter to “clear her mind.” She was incapable of focusing this particular morning.

She figured she needed caffeine, but the strongest thing she could find in the cupboard was some Earl Grey, and she needed at least a triple espresso to get her brain moving again.

On a whim, she Googled the local Green Bean Café to see where it was located. Only a couple of blocks away. It was actually closer than the nearest Starbucks, where she would normally go to work when she needed to get out of the flat.

_This is ridiculous_ , she thought to herself. If she went there, she’d probably run into…him. Which would be super annoying. Right?

Whatever. It was close and she liked their coffee. That was all that mattered.

The café was surprisingly busy when she got there—she didn’t know there were so many vegan-prone people in town. But she spotted an empty table and figured she could nab it once she had ordered.

And there he was. Finn was behind the counter talking to a young woman who must have also worked there. He stopped talking as Rae approached and looked at her. The young woman appeared scared and rushed over to the espresso machines to seem busy.

“What are you doing here?” he said to Rae.

“I’m here for coffee, obviously,” she said. “That’s allowed, right?”

“Sorry, we’re all out,” he quipped.

“Let me speak to your manager.”

“I am the manager.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.”

“You own this place?”

“No, I manage it for the owner. Hence, _manager_.”

“What are you doing taking people’s orders, then?”

“One of my baristas is out sick today. Now, are you gonna order something or not?”

“Yeah, a latte.”

“Coconut, almond, or soy?”

“What?”

“What kind of milk do you want?”

“Oh, coconut, I guess.”

“Agave?”

She stared at him blankly for a moment. “A-what-now?”

“It’s a sweetener,” he said, as if she should have known.

“Uh, no thanks.”

She paid for her drink and took a small wooden sign with a letter on it over to the empty table where she sat down. The young woman from behind the counter brought over Rae’s order shortly afterwards. She set down the steaming mug along with a small dish that had a chocolate-looking square on it.

“I didn’t order that,” Rae said, pointing at the dish.

“He said it was on the house,” the young woman replied.

Rae looked over her shoulder towards Finn for a second before turning back. “What is it?”

“Courgette brownie with date frosting.”

She scrunched her nose. “Okay. Thanks.”

_Does he just put vegetables in everything?_ she thought once the young woman had left.

She tried to ignore it for a while, but it smelled really good and she finally gave in and had a taste. It was astonishingly good—she could hardly believe it was vegan. She had just assumed vegan food would taste like a rock, what with having no eggs or milk in it. And she couldn’t taste the courgette at all; it was just moist.

She put it down after one bite, however, when she remembered that it had been a “gift” from Finn, which meant there must have been some sort of catch. Maybe he put something weird in it. (Weirder than courgette.)

But it wasn’t long before she broke down and had another bite. And another. And another.

“Enjoyed everything?” Finn asked as he came and sat down across the table from her once she was finished.

She was caught off-guard. “Um, yeah, it was good. Thanks.”

“Really? I thought you hated green vegetables, so…”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Your boyfriend told me.”

“What? I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“I know he’s not really your boyfriend.” He laughed a little.

“Are you talking about Archie?”

“Who else would I be talking about?”

“Why was he talking to you about my food preferences, anyway?”

“We were just chatting about our shopping mix up the other day.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Are you two buddies or something?”

He shrugged. “He’s been ‘round here for coffee a couple times. Plus we’ve had a few pints together down at the pub.”

“How did I not know about any of this?”

“Uh, because it’s none of your business what Archie does?”

“It most certainly is my business!” she said defiantly. “We’re best mates—we tell each other everything!”

“Clearly not.” He looked way too pleased with himself.

“Oh, whatever, I don’t care about your stupid bro time together. Just don’t talk about me.”

“What are we allowed to talk about, Your Majesty?”

Rae just glared at him.

“Okay, look, I invited Archie over for dinner tomorrow night—you could come along if you want to make sure we don’t talk about you behind your back.”

“Ugh, is it going to be vegan food?”

“Obviously.”

“Disgusting.”

“Have you ever had vegan food before?”

“No, but it sounds disgusting.”

“Fine, don’t come.”

“Fine, I won’t.”

Finn stood up and cleared the dishes off the table. “Well, unless you’re going to order something else you should leave—I have paying customers waiting for tables.”

***

“Are you sure you don’t want to come along?” Archie asked Rae the next day. “I know he wouldn’t mind.”

“First of all, I don’t want to eat rabbit food,” said Rae. “And secondly, he most definitely would mind if I came because he hates me.”

“He invited you, didn’t he?”

“Only as a joke. And then I was uninvited, so…”

“He’s a nice guy. Why do you have such a problem with him?”

“I’m not the one with the problem! He’s just had some issue with me from day one.” She crossed her arms and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Well, what better way to clear the air than over a nice big plate of whatever the hell he’s cooking, yeah?” He put his arm around her shoulder and tried to pry her away from the counter and towards the front door.

“He’s not going to be happy to see me, I know for a fact,” she said as she trudged forward.

“You don’t know that for a fact,” he said. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

***

“What the fuck is she doing here?” asked Finn. Okay, he didn’t actually ask that out loud, but he said it with his eyes, and Rae wished she could just shrink away into oblivion.

He greeted Archie, who handed him a pack of craft beer. “Cheers, mate,” he said before putting an arm around him in a bro hug.

He stopped, looked at Rae, and smiled tightly. “Rae,” he said with a nod.

“Finn,” she replied mockingly.

She and Archie followed him inside past the kitchen—which smelled deliciously like curry and got Rae’s hopes up—to the lounge that had four mismatched chairs set up around a circular coffee table. He took the beer into the kitchen to open three bottles and brought them back out with him.

She muttered a “thanks” as he handed her one and cradled it in her hands nervously. She really shouldn’t be here, she thought.

“Something smells good,” said Archie after nobody spoke for a solid minute.

“I’m making garbanzo bean curry with quinoa,” said Finn.

“Sounds delicious.”

Rae gave Archie a look as if to say, “Don’t act like you know what the fuck quinoa is.”

He shot her a, “Hey, I know stuff,” glance in return.

“Showoff,” she said silently.

She remained awfully quiet as the lads talked about their workweeks and some video game they were both into—all stuff Rae didn’t care about, so she just drank. She’d finished her drink before anyone else.

“Can I get you another?” Finn asked her, though it took her a moment to realize he was talking to her since she’d been pretty much ignored until that point.

“What? Oh, no, I’m fine.”

Archie gulped down the last few dregs of his own and said, “I’ll get another one,” before getting up to go into the kitchen, leaving Rae and Finn alone briefly.

Rae stared at the bottle in her hands and tried to concentrate on anything but the painful silence in the room.

Archie returned moments later with three bottles. “I brought everyone another just… in case… Okay, what is going on here?”

“Nothin’,” Finn said with a shrug.

Archie set down the bottles on the table. “Alright, enough is enough. Finn, Rae wants to know why you don’t like her.”

“I never said that!” said Rae.

“And I never said I don’t like her,” said Finn.

“So you do like her?” Archie asked.

Finn winced a little. “I don’t know her.”

“Well, it’s not like you’ve tried to get to know me,” Rae said. “You’ve had a problem with me from the moment we met!”

“It’s not what you think.” He turned to Archie. “She looks a lot like my ex, y’know? Who’s a bitch, so I just figured…”

“I’m right here!”

“Yeah, well, it turns out she’s just proper annoying, see?” he said, ignoring her.

“And you’re just a prick,” she said as she stood up. “You can take your fucking queen-wah or whatever and shove it up your arse!”

“Rae, come on,” Archie said, before following her as she stormed off. “Come back, Rae. We can all work this out, yeah?”

She stopped outside her flat when she realized that Archie had locked up and she didn’t have her key with her. “He is such an arrogant prick,” she grumbled.

“You know he’s just trying to get a rise out of you, right?”

“Why? Because he hates me that much?”

“He doesn’t hate you, you just can’t take a joke.”

“Thanks.”

“Come back inside, have another beer and some curry, and soon it will all be water under the bridge.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

She followed him back, though she felt humiliated. Finn was in the kitchen stirring something on the stove, so she stopped there and waited for him to apologize.

“You’re back,” he said, stating the obvious.

“And…?”

“And you’re just in time because I’m about to serve the fucking quinoa.” He smiled sarcastically at her.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“Not really.”

“You’re not going to apologize for calling me annoying?”

“Are you going to apologize for calling me a prick?”

“Never.”

“Guys, can we just be civil?” said Archie, trying to mediate.

“Well, I can be,” Rae said smugly.

“So can I,” Finn said with a fake smile.

“Good,” said Archie, though he was hesitant. “Let’s eat, then.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that there is mention of anxiety in this chapter.

Every couple of months, Archie would spend the weekend visiting his parents back in Stamford. Sometimes Rae would go with him to see her own family, but other times she would stay to have the flat to herself for a while. When this happened, she liked to take long bubble baths with a glass of wine and some YouTube vlogs to relax.

It wasn’t until she was finished her bath this time, however, that she noticed the power had gone out. She had the bathroom lit by candles already, so she couldn’t tell until she stepped out into the rest of the flat and found that it was pitch black.

She took the lighter, and one candle to illuminate her path, and lit all the candles in the lounge where she would be spending the remainder of the evening. She had just finished when there was a knock at the door.

Realizing she was still in her dressing gown, she looked through the peephole to make sure it wasn’t a murderer or anything—as if it would be worse to be murdered in her dressing gown.

She rolled her eyes when she saw who it was, visible from the emergency lighting in the corridor.

“What do you want?” she said as she opened the door a sliver.

“Have you got a torch or something I could borrow?” said Finn, without his usual arrogant sarcasm.

“Only a tiny one. Hold on.”

She left the door open to let in more light as she went looking for the small torch that was kept in the kitchen junk drawer, handing it to Finn when she returned.

He switched it on and it flickered for a moment before going dark again.

“Oh, sorry,” she said.

“This is just fucking great.”

“I said sorry! Don’t you have candles you could use?”

“I hate candles,” he said. “I don’t see the point of them.”

“This is the point of them.”

“Yeah, I see that now.”

“I’ll check if I have an extra one for you—“

“Can I just”—he stepped forward—“come in for a bit?”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t see what good one candle is going to do me in the complete darkness of my flat.” He rubbed his arm nervously.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you afraid of the dark or something?”

“I’m not _afraid_ ,” he snapped. “I don’t like the dark, is all.”

“Oh my god, you’re afraid of the dark!”

“You know what, forget it, I’ll just stumble around blindly until the power comes back.”

“Jesus, don’t be so dramatic.” She opened the door wide for him. “Get in here.”

He entered apprehensively, and she directed him to have seat wherever he liked, while she went to change into some real clothes. He chose the sofa, which made Rae feel inclined to sit in the armchair across the room when she got back.

“It smells like vanilla in here,” he said with his nose scrunched.

“Do you have a problem with vanilla?”

“No, it’s just weird.”

She huffed. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked, forcing herself to play hostess.

“Water would be great, thanks.”

She got up and returned with a glass of water and handed it to him, when she noticed he was fidgeting fretfully. “Is the dark really so terrible?” she asked. “I mean, nothing bad’s gonna happen.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he said, looking intently at the glass in his hands.

“I wouldn’t understand what?”

“Anxiety disorders can’t just be rationalized into disappearing, you know.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”

“Of course you didn’t.”

“Hey!” she said defensively. “How was I supposed to know you had a legit anxiety disorder? It’s not like you’ve mentioned it or anything.”

“Yeah, ‘cause the first thing I do when I meet someone is tell them that.”

“Well, then don’t get all pissed off that I didn’t know!”

He massaged his forehead with his free hand. “I’m not pissed off that you didn’t know, I’m just… I’m just trying to hold it together right now.”

“Oh.” Rae didn’t know what to do or say in this situation. “Is there… something I should be doing?”

“Well, hovering over me like that sure is great,” he said sarcastically.

“Sorry!” She took a few steps back.

“No, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Just come sit.” He gestured with his head towards the other end of the sofa. “If I have a panic attack I’ll need you to talk me down,” he added as she sat down.

“What?” She worried that she had no idea how to do that.

He laughed. “I’m kidding, I think I’ll be okay now.”

“Ugh, you’re such a jackass,” she said, swatting him on the arm. He gave her a funny look and she realized what she had just done.

“It’s interesting that your first instinct is to literally hit me when I’m down,” he teased.

“Oh, shut up, you’re fine.”

“No, I think you might have bruised me. I can barely move my arm. Is it broken?” He let his arm drop to his side.

“It looks good to me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Does it?”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah,” he said, holding up his arm to flex it. “Sure.”

“Why are you so irritating?”

“It’s because… I have feelings for you, Rae.”

She felt her face get hot. “You what?”

“Yeah, I feel… that it’s really fun to irritate you.”

“Ugh. I fucking hate you.”

“Now, come on, that’s not very neighbourly,” he said as he smiled proudly.

“You can just head on back over to your flat and sit by yourself in the dark, if you like.”

“To be honest, I’m only here because Archie told me to keep an eye on you while he’s away.”

“You think I need babysitting?” she asked incredulously. “I can’t believe Archie would say something so condescending, and I can’t believe you would make up that whole bit about your anxiety, and—“

“Whoa, whoa, I’m kidding,” he said as she started to get worked up.

“What?”

“Archie never said that to me and I do have anxiety. I was just trying to deflect with humour and clearly it didn’t work. As usual.” He sipped self-consciously from his glass as Rae watched him with a confused expression. “Look, I don’t do darkness or confined spaces or awkward social situations, okay?”

“Okay, sorry.” She watched him spin his glass between his hands for a minute.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a piece of meat, you carnivore.”

“Oh, get over yourself!”

“I’ve seen the way you look at me in a t-shirt.”

“Like I want to throw up?”

“Yeah, you tell yourself that.”

“I know you must think you’re God’s vegan gift to women, with your face and your body and your moral compass or whatever,” she said, waving her hand in his general direction, “but I’m an atheist, so God can suck it.”

He laughed wearily. “I was wrong,” he said, shaking his head. “You are nothing like my ex. She would never have told God to ‘suck it.’”

“And that’s the kind of person you want to spend your life with?”

“Not anymore.”

“Oh.” She was surprised by how earnest he seemed.

“Rae,” he said seriously, turning his head to look at her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure…?”

“Could I… I mean, do you…”

She held her breath as he searched her face, the candlelight dancing in his eyes.

“…have anything not disgusting that I could eat?” he said, breaking out into a cheeky smile.

“I dunno,” she said as she restrained herself from smacking him. “Are apples vegan?”

“As long as you don’t put bacon grease on them or anything.”

“Why the fuck would I put bacon grease on an apple?”

“I don’t know what meat-eaters do!”

“We don’t just put bacon on everything!”

The power returned, which blinded Rae for a moment as her eyes adjusted to the light.

“Well,” she said, looking at Finn when she had regained vision.

“What?” he replied. “I’m still waiting for my apple.”

“But the power’s back, so…”

“So what you’re saying is you’re kicking me out.”

“I’m not kicking you out, but—“

“Is my company so terrible that you’d rather be alone?”

“I didn’t say that—“

“No, I get it. I know you hate me, so I’m impressed you put up with me this long,” he said as he stood up.

“You’re such a fucking drama queen,” she said, grabbing his arm to keep him from leaving as she stood up as well. “I’ll get you your goddamn apple.”

He followed her into the kitchen where she pulled an apple out of a bowl of fruit on the counter. “I like it cored and sliced,” he said.

“Are you four years old or something?” She sighed and made him move from the spot where he was leaning so she could get a knife from the drawer behind him, and then again so she could take out a small cutting board from the cupboard.

“You’re doing it wrong,” he said as she lined up the knife to make the first incision. He took it from her hand and nudged her out of the way. “The way you were gonna do it, just cutting the sides off, you’d waste a whole bunch of apple in the middle.” He sliced it into quarters through the centre and then cut the core out of each quarter before slicing them into thirds. “This way you’re not throwing away a bunch with the core.”

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” she said, pretending to wake up from a nap.

“This is important stuff, Rae.”

“No, yeah, it’s fascinating.”

“I know you’re not a very conscientious person—“

“Hey!”

“—so this may seem trivial to you, but I’m a big believer in creating as little waste as possible.”

“Then why are you such a waste of oxygen?” She picked up an apple slice and bit into it with a smirk.

He smiled insincerely as he ate a slice himself.

Her smirk faded and she chewed pensively. “Why do you think I’m not conscientious, though?”

“Well, you have a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, you left all the candles on in the lounge when we’re not even there, and your socks don’t match. For starters.”

She looked down at her feet. “Oh, bollocks.”

“It’s alright,” he said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It just means I’m better than you.”

“Piss off!”

He laughed as she batted his hand away. “Don’t worry, you are much more thoughtful than my ex was.”

“Why do you keep comparing me to your horrible-sounding ex?”

“You just look a lot like her.” He crunched on another apple slice.

“How so?” she asked. She found it hard to believe that a guy like him would ever have dated someone who looked like her.

“You know, tall, pretty, dark hair. Big…”—he put his hands out in front of his chest—“…personality.”

She stared at him, mouth agape, and folded her arms over her own chest. “I can’t believe you.”

“What? I’m saying you’ve got a great set of…personality.”

“You know, contrary to popular belief, fat girls don’t find it flattering when you say they’ve got big tits, alright?”

“Well, you’ve got a good arse, too; is that flattering?”

“Astonishingly not.”

“What, women don’t like it when men break them down into body parts and rate them on fuckability? I am shocked.”

“So you do know better, you just choose to be a complete prick.”

He smiled. “Basically.”

“I want to punch you in the face.”

“Well, that’s my cue to leave, then,” he said, grabbing one last slice of apple before heading to the door. “G’night, Rae.”

“Goodnight, prick.”

*******

Did Finn really say that Rae was pretty?

She hadn’t really registered it at the time because she was so annoyed with him, and yeah, he was a jerk about it, but he said some almost complimentary things about her appearance, which surprised her.

She knew that there were guys who found her attractive, of course, but usually they were the kind of guys that she considered to be on her “level.” Not walking Greek statues, like Finn.

It didn’t matter anyway because even though he was good-looking, he was the most infuriating person she had ever met. She couldn’t imagine anything happening with him. (Okay, well, she could _imagine_ it, but she preferred it staying in her imagination.)

“Hey, Rae, haven’t seen you in a while,” said one of the baristas at Starbucks, snapping Rae out of her thoughts.

His name was Simon. He’d been working there for over a year now, and Rae saw him nearly every week. She liked when he would take her order, because he was sort of a big guy and it made her feel less self-conscious about ordering a grande hazelnut mocha with extra whipped cream.

He was cute, though, and always very friendly. She got the impression he liked her, but she never did anything about it because he looked to be a few years younger than her. Of course, he most likely passed the half-her-age-plus-seven rule, so it shouldn’t have been a problem, but she tended to find any excuse not to go out with someone. (Archie had been telling her to make a move for months, though.)

“We were worried something had happened to ya,” he added.

“Were we?” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, worried you’d found somewhere else to get your overpriced coffee.”

“I’ve been letting the ‘Bucks gouge me for years, I’m not stopping now.”

“And we appreciate it.” He picked up a paper cup with a flourish and began to write on it. “Here, I’ll make you something good.”

She tried to hand him her card to pay for it but he told her to hold onto it for next time.

“Maybe I owe you a drink some time, what with all the freebies you’ve given me,” she said as he set the completed beverage in front of her—she realized it didn’t come out sounding as smooth as she hoped it would.

He smiled and swiveled the cup around to the other side where there was already a phone number written instead of a drink order. “If you insist,” he said.


	4. Chapter 4

“Why do you look like a prozzie?” Finn asked when he saw Rae leaving her flat.

“I beg your pardon?” she said.

“I mean like a high-end one, with the hair and the boots…”

“Alright, I’m going to change.”

“Wait, I’m sorry, just, where are you going dressed like that?”

“If you must know, I have a date.”

“I thought Archie said you don’t date.”

“Just because I don’t date very often doesn’t mean I don’t date!”

He put his hands up in surrender. “My mistake.”

“Is it… Is it too much with the boots?” she asked, looking down at her feet. “And my hair; I shouldn’t have curled it, should I? I should just throw it in a topknot, I mean we’re only going to a pub, and—“

“Hold your horses, there,” he interrupted. “Your hair looks nice the way it is, and the boots…okay, the boots are a little dominatrix, but that works for some guys.”

“I’m changing them.”

She went back into her flat and Finn trailed behind, saying hi to Archie on his way in. He followed her all the way to her room where she started taking off her boots.

“Did I say you could come in?” she said.

“I thought you wanted my opinion.”

“No, you just decided to give it anyway.”

“Well, since you asked: I think you should just wear comfortable shoes so that you’re not complaining about your feet all night.”

“I’m not going to wear trainers on a first date.”

“Suit yourself, but I promise you, this guy doesn’t care, and if he does then you don’t want him.”

She opted for a pair of flats, which would give her blisters if she walked miles in them, but they were fine for a casual night out. She stood in front of the mirror and tugged at the ends of her hair.

“Leave it alone, you look fine,” he said. “Doesn’t she look fine, Arch?”

“Yeah,” said Archie from the other room without even taking a look at her.

“There, you have what every modern woman wants: the Gay Best Friend seal of approval.”

“I hate the both of you,” she gritted through her teeth as she picked up her phone. “And now I’m late and he’s already downstairs. Shit.”

She hurried down the corridor, not realizing that Finn was close behind her. She gave him a confused look when he stepped into the lift after her.

“What?” he said. “I’m going down to check my mailbox.”

“At eight o’clock on a Saturday night?”

“Good a time as any.”

“You just want to come make fun of my date.”

“What’s there to make fun of?”

“I dunno, but you’d find something just to annoy me.”

“Believe it or not, I don’t actually give a toss about your date.”

She frowned at him. Something about the way he said it just irked her.

She stepped into the lobby before him and saw Simon waiting outside, who waved when he spotted her through the window. She was about to wave back when Finn came up behind her and said, “Get ‘im, tiger,” giving her a pat on the rear before veering off towards the mailboxes.

She stopped in her tracks and cringed, hoping Simon hadn’t seen anything, but he appeared to be oblivious.

“Hiya!” she said when she got outside, though she suddenly realized how weird it was to see him without a coffee bar between them. She looked him up and down and thought he looked a little more mature in his off-duty attire. “You look different without your work uniform.”

“In a bad way?” he asked with a hint of worry.

“No, just different,” she laughed. “Can I just ask, how old are you, anyway?”

“Twenty-four. Why?”

She was relieved he was only a couple years younger than her. “I just wasn’t sure. I thought you could have been twenty-five or you could have been nineteen. You’ve just got one of those faces.”

“I hope I haven’t disappointed you…”

“No, it’s great; we’re the same age.” She wasn’t sure why she decided to lie to him about something so trivial.

He smiled sincerely, and she couldn’t help but think what a stark contrast it was to Finn’s sarcastic little smirks all the time. She appreciated spending time with someone who didn’t gain so much pleasure from her misery.

***

“Are you going out with baby-face again?” said Finn when Rae emerged from her bedroom. He and Archie were playing a video game together, though from the swearing Rae had heard from her room, she gathered that he was losing.

“His name is Simon,” she said, adjusting her bag over her shoulder.

“How old is he, fourteen?”

“For your information, he’s twenty-four.”

“Ooh, cougar alert.”

“I told ya you were just gonna make fun!”

“Fine, sorry,” he said half-heartedly. “Why don’t you invite him up here for a drink and we can get to know him better, yeah?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Come on, it’ll be a laugh.”

She pulled her phone out of her purse when she felt it vibrate. “Too late, he’s already waiting for me downstairs, so I’d better just—“

Finn jumped up and snatched her phone away. He started typing something as she tried to take it back from him, but by the time he returned it, he had already sent a message reading, “Come on up. Buzz and I’ll let you in.”

“I’m going to murder you,” she said. “I know where you live.”

He shrugged like he was fine with that.

The buzzer for the front door went off and she answered it.

“You want me to come up?” asked Simon on the other end.

“You don’t have to, I could—“

Finn reached over her shoulder pressed the button to unlock the door for him. She grabbed his finger and started bending it backwards.

“Ow! What the fuck!”

“Why can’t you stay the fuck out of my business?” she said as she let go.

“You’ve been seeing this guy for two weeks, isn’t it about time he met your friends?”

“Why should he meet _you_ , then?”

“Oh, that hurts more than my hand,” he joked.

There was a knock at the door and Rae scrambled to get to it before Finn could. “Hey, look, we can just go if—“

“Simon!” Finn said, flinging the door wide open. “Come on in, mate. Have a seat. Have a drink. Take a load off.”

She sighed. “Simon, this is my next-door neighbour, Finn,” she said, shoving him back with her elbow. “And over there is my flatmate, Archie.”

Archie shot him a small wave.

“H-hi,” said Simon as he stepped inside.

“Let me get you a beer, mate,” said Finn, unusually chipper.

“Thanks, but I don’t drink.”

Finn cast him a skeptical glance.

“I’ll get you some water,” said Rae. “You can sit, if you want.”

“Uh, sure.” Simon sat in the armchair across from the sofa, where Finn sat down next to Archie with three beers.

Rae returned with a glass of water, but the only place left for her to sit was next to Finn.

“Don’t just stand there,” Finn said to her, holding up a bottle for her. “Let’s all have a chat.”

She took the bottle and sat down beside him, looking at Simon apologetically.

“I feel like I’m at a job interview,” he said with a nervous laugh as the other three sat across from him, watching.

Finn crossed his legs. “So, Simon, what would you say is your biggest weakness?”

Rae jabbed him in his ribs to make him shut up.

“Uh, what do you do for a living?” Archie asked, trying to make conversation.

“I’m a graduate student. And I work at Starbucks, to pay for school, obviously—“

Finn burst out laughing. “You work for that corporate piece of—“

Rae kicked him in the leg this time.

“No, right, sorry. You’ve gotta make money for school, I get it,” he said more somberly.

“I’m not going to work there forever, but I like it for now,” Simon responded defensively.

“That’s great. Really great.”

Rae started guzzling her beer, figuring she was going to need a few if the evening was to continue in this manner.

***

“Maybe we should finish up our game at your place,” Archie said to Finn after a good hour and a half, looking at his watch. “Let these two have some peace, yeah?”

“But I want to learn more about the differences between the books and the _Game of Thrones_ TV series,” Finn whined mockingly.

“Let’s go, come on,” said Archie, lifting his friend by the arm and dragging him out.

“So…” Rae said once they had left.

“So…” Simon replied.

“I’m just going to clean these up,” she added, starting to collect the empty beer bottles. “Can I get you more water?”

“I’ve still got some,” he said with a smile as he held up his glass.

She took the bottles into the kitchen and left them on the counter for Future Rae™ to deal with. She stopped between the two rooms when she returned and saw that Simon was now sitting on the sofa beside her spot.

So, this was happening.

“Is it…alright that I sit here?” he asked, leaning forward as if he was preparing to get up in case she said no.

“Yeah, of course,” she said with a breezy laugh, taking a seat next to him.

“Your friends are, um…”

“Obnoxious?”

He smiled. “Just a tad.”

“Don’t worry, they were trying to embarrass me, not you,” she said. “And Finn, he’s…not exactly my friend.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Oh?”

“I’m guessing it’s pretty awkward living next door to your ex, especially when he’s not over you, right?”

“Finn? He’s not my ex! He’s just my annoying neighbour.”

“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” he said, flustered. “I just thought… Never mind, sorry.”

She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. Not because of what he’d said, but because, sitting next to him like this, she had become acutely aware of the fact that the two of them were probably supposed to kiss at some point, which they had not yet done in the past two weeks. She’d kissed him on the cheek, of course, but she wasn’t one for overtly public displays, and they never really had any time alone. Until now, that is.

“I’m sorry for ruining your evening,” she said, finally casting him a glance.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he replied. “I had fun tonight. Plus, it’s not over yet, is it?”

“No, I guess not.” She angled herself towards him and leaned forward in an invitational manner. “So, should we just…?”

“Um, sure,” he said, trying to figure out which way to tilt his head as he inched his face closer to hers.

It took them a few moments to work out the alignment of their noses before they managed a closed-mouth kiss.

_Jeesh_. Rae was going to need a lot more beer.

*******

Rae was all tucked into bed when there was a loud banging at the door. She figured it was probably Archie, having forgotten his key.

She was partially right.

She opened the door, and there was a half-conscious Archie, being held upright by Finn.

“Here, take him,” said Finn, shoving Archie’s limp body towards her.

“Watch it!” she said as she stumbled under the sudden additional weight. “You’ll have to help me move him to his bedroom.”

The pair managed to guide Archie to his room and get him onto his bed. Rae moved the bin next to his head and rolled him onto his side, just in case.

“How much did you guys have?” she asked Finn as they left the room, shutting the door behind them.

“I just had one more, but he had a few, I think,” he said. He strolled towards the lounge and added, “Where’s your little buddy?” as he flopped onto the sofa, sprawling across it.

She followed him and pushed his legs off her side of the sofa so she could sit down. “Simon? He left over an hour ago.”

“That was quick. Did he ‘dine and dash,’ so to speak?” He winked and clicked his tongue.

“Ugh, I don’t want to know what you mean by that, but whatever it is, no.”

“Hit and run?”

“What?”

“Bump and bolt? Fuck and flee?”

“No! Why are you so disgusting?”

“Did you two actually do anything before he left or did Archie and I bugger off for no reason?”

“That is none of your business.”

“So, no.” He leaned against the back of the sofa. “Doesn’t surprise me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she said, leaning back as well so she could rest her head.

“He’s got the personality of a wet napkin. No offense.”

“Excuse me?” She rolled her head to the side to give him as disdainful a look as she could muster.

“A boy like that wouldn’t know what to do with a woman.”

“Hah! And you would?”

He chewed on his bottom lip and smiled.

“What?” she said, trying not to smile back. “What’s that look for?”

“Nothin’,” he said with a shrug.

He poked her in the shoulder and she swatted his hand away, but he grabbed onto hers instead. He stroked the inside of her palm with his thumb before bringing it up to his mouth and planting small kisses along her Life Line.

_What. The. Fuck?_ she thought as she watched him curiously. She was too mesmerized to stop him—and, let’s be honest, it felt nice. She enjoyed the fuzzy feeling of his end-of-day stubble as she grazed his face with her fingertips.

She knew she had a tendency to get touchy-feely when she drank—she was quite popular at parties back in uni—but it was usually just a bad idea, wrapped in a pleasantly tactile exterior, like this.

He continued to kiss the inside of her wrist and arm, all the way up to the crease of her elbow, before stopping and looking up at her. As he lifted his face, staring at her, her throat went dry. Was he about to…?

“Rae?” he said in a low voice.

“Hmm?” she said, unable to look away from his lips as they drew closer.

He broke out into a smile. “Does that answer your question?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this is the chapter I’m most worried about posting because–heads up!–there’s some smut. Well, I hesitate to call it “smut” because it’s not sexy. Let’s just pretend it’s a parody of smut and it’s supposed to be that terrible, shall we?

Rae blinked hard a few times before she realized what had just happened. Her mouth dropped open and she stammered a bit before blurting, “You fucking bastard.”

“Hey, come on, now. You enjoyed it,” said Finn, holding onto her arm as she stood up to leave.

“Oh, yeah, the humiliation is my favourite part,” she said sarcastically, twisting her arm free.

He got up to follow her. “Rae, wait! I wasn’t trying to humiliate you, I just—“

“You just think it’s funny that you can treat a girl like shit and she will still want to fuck you if you show her the slightest bit of attention, is that it?”

“Of course not! Rae—“ He reached for her shoulder but she jerked back and hurried to her room. “Hold on just a minute,” he said, blocking her from shutting the door. “You’re the one who can just treat a guy like shit and he’ll still want to—”

“Are you saying I treat my boyfriend like shit?” She stepped forward to edge him out of the room, but he pushed back.

“What boyfriend? You’ve been dating Simon for two weeks and haven’t even kissed him—”

“Who told you th—Ugh, fucking Archie!”

“I wasn’t talking about him anyway, I was talking about this!”

“This? What ‘this?’”

“I just put the moves on ya and you stormed off!”

“You did it as a joke! Ha ha, make the fat girl think she has a chance—well, you know what? There are plenty of guys out there who do want to be with me, and I don’t need to waste my time with someone who’s just out to prove that no woman can resist him, because, believe me, I can.”

“Jesus, Rae, will you quit being a dickhead and just listen to me for five seconds?”

“Don’t call me a dickhead! You’re the dickhead!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” He put his hand around the back of her neck and planted his lips on hers.

It caught her off-guard, so she staggered a little and held onto his arms to brace herself. She kissed him back readily, though, surprised by her own enthusiasm for something she’d never expected would happen in a million years.

He took a few steps forward, causing her to stumble back until she reached the edge of the bed, where he pressed himself firmly against her. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest with his breath. (She also became extremely aware of the fact that she was not wearing a bra. Whoops.)

So, this was happening.

She started to pull up the hem of his shirt when she felt a vibration on her upper thigh and jerked back, holding onto him to make sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Sorry. Phone,” he said, emptying the contents of his pockets onto the nightstand.

“Aren’t you going to see what the message is?” she asked as he started to slip his arms around her waist.

He shrugged and smirked. “Probably just my girlfriend wondering where I am.”

“Your what?” She shoved him backwards.

“Whoa, I’m kidding! I don’t have a girlfriend; it was a joke—a really bad joke!” He picked up his phone to show her. “See?” There was just a notification for an email that looked like spam.

All it proved was that he didn’t have a message from any girlfriend at that moment, but Rae was still inclined to believe him because he seemed sincere—plus this was the first action she’d gotten in ages, and her better judgment had been left behind several beers ago.

“Alright…” she said, trailing her hands up his arms and back down his chest.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But we’d better get on with it before I change my mind.” She gripped the front of his t-shirt.

He raised his eyebrows and examined her expression for a moment, probably trying to figure out if she was serious or not, before she pulled him in for another kiss.

Lips locked, he leaned over sideways to put his phone back on the nightstand. She climbed backwards onto the unmade bed, and he followed, lying on his side to face her.

She caressed the back of his head, grasping his hair with her fingers, while his hand roamed her back underneath her shirt. He pressed himself firmly against her once again and she shivered as he grazed her side with his fingertips.

He traced his way up under her arm, lifting her t-shirt as he went. She felt the material sweep over her hard nipple as it became exposed. He brushed his thumb over it and she let out a small moan.

She resumed stroking the back of his head as he kissed her bare breast, rolling onto her back so he could lift the rest of her shirt and reveal the other. (She was too tipsy to worry about how the left was bigger than the right, and he didn’t seem to care one way or another.)

She sat up to remove her t-shirt completely, and he did the same before she pulled him closer and kissed him, this time more urgently, letting his tongue fully enter her mouth.

His hand migrated downwards along her front until he reached her track bottoms. She nodded to indicate it was okay for him to continue and he slid his hand under her waistband. She bit down on her lip as he made little circles. She was pulsating with a desperate desire to have him inside of her—it wasn’t long before she was telling him to stop.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a look of concern on his face.

“I just want you to fuck me,” she breathed.

It took him a second to register what she’d just said, but then he hastily removed his trousers and she took off her bottoms while he equipped himself. She felt exposed and a bit self-conscious, especially since she hadn’t shaved her legs in a while, but again, he didn’t seem to care.

She gasped when he finally entered her, like she had forgotten to breathe up until that point. He sat up and positioned his knees under her hips, causing her to cry out in pleasure. He’d found a spot that had not been found in quite some time. She held up her legs to get an even better angle and he groaned as she tightened around him, picking up speed.

He slowed down after a while and leaned on his forearms. “Are you close?” he asked, breathing heavy on her neck.

“Almost…”

He accelerated his movements and her body began to tremble. Her legs were shaking as she held them in the air and her staccato moaning grew louder and louder until—

“Fuuuuuuck!” she cried as the tension in her body reached its tipping point.

She opened her eyes just in time to see the look of pained elation on Finn’s face as he finished.

_Jesus, even his O-face is sexy_ , she thought.

They untangled their bodies and he flopped on the bed next to her.

“Alright?” he said, resting his arm across her.

“Alright.”

“Rae?”

“Yeah?”

He flashed a brazen grin. “You’re the dickhead.”

***

Not only did Rae have a tendency to do some pretty stupid things while intoxicated, she also had the ability to retain every minute detail of said stupid things once sober again.

So she wasn’t at all surprised to wake up with Finn spooning her, although she wished she had dreamt the whole thing.

It was only half-six, but she was bursting for the toilet, so she removed his arm from her side in order to escape. He immediately hugged his arm in close, and she couldn’t help but think that he looked kind of peaceful and adorable when he was asleep. But she had no time for that.

She went to the toilet and cursed at herself in the mirror for a while before checking in on Archie and returning to her bedroom. She wasn’t expecting Finn to be up already, putting on his trousers.

“Hi,” she said, uncertain as to whether or not she should leave the door open in this situation.

“Hi,” he replied without looking at her as he shoved his belongings back into his pockets.

“Can I get you anything, or…?”

“My assistant manager just texted me saying she’s sick and can’t open up this morning, so I need to go to work,” he said curtly.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yeah, later.” He brushed past her and out the front door before she could ask him when.

She climbed back into bed and pulled the covers over her head.

***

Rae managed to fall back asleep for a couple of hours, but her phone woke her up with a text message from Simon.

_Shit_ , she thought. She had forgotten about him.

She ignored his message—she figured she would just have to avoid him until the end of time; that was all.

She walked out into the kitchen, still in her pyjamas, where Archie already had the kettle going. “Morning,” she said, walking past him to get a mug from the cupboard.

“Please keep your voice down,” he answered.

“I’m speaking at a normal volume. It’s not my fault you drank too much last night.” She poured herself a cup of tea and waited for it to steep.

“I didn’t!”

“Finn had to carry you back here at midnight.”

“I was just tired.”

“Whatever you say.”

“So, what did you get up to last night?”

“What? Nothing!”

“You still haven’t kissed him yet?” he asked as he stirred milk into his tea.

“Wait, are you talking about Simon?”

“Who else would I be talking about?”

“Oh, yeah, no, I kissed him.”

“And?”

“And that was it. We kissed and he went home. End of story.”

“Wow, that… is really boring.”

“Well, how many guys did you kiss yesterday?”

“Touché.” He took a sip from the mug in his hand, but it was still too hot to gulp. “Oh, I meant to ask: have you seen Finn’s earbuds?”

“I don’t think so.”

“He texted me this morning saying he thinks they fell out of his pocket while he was here, but I’ve checked all over the lounge and didn’t find anything. So I wondered if you had found them earlier.”

“Oh, uh, I might have…”

“You might have?”

“Yeah, I might have found them on the sofa and taken them into my room—I’ll go check.”

He set down his mug and followed her. “Why would you put them in your room? And why would you not know if you put them there?”

“Oh, you know me. Airhead,” she said with a laugh.

“I do know you and I know when you’re lying.” He picked up the earbuds off her bedside table. “So let’s try this again: What are Finn’s earbuds doing on your nightstand?”

“I… borrowed them?”

He frowned at her, then grabbed ahold of her sleeve and smelled it. “Alright, either you’ve switched to his brand of deodorant, or you fucked him.”

“Quit sniffing me, it’s weird!” she said, adjusting her sleeve back on her shoulder. “And I’m not even going to ask how you know what deodorant he uses.”

“I don’t hear you denying it.”

“It’s not a big deal, alright?”

“Jesus Christ, Rae—”

“You’re the one who told me to hook up with him, remember?”

“That’s because you hadn’t dated in so long—but you’re dating Simon now, or is that over already?”

“I don’t… know exactly what’s going on with that yet…”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s not like I planned this, Archie. It was a drunken mistake, yeah?”

“Fine, you’re an adult, you can deal with it however you like,” he said finally, and handed her the earbuds. “Here, take these to him at work.”

“Why can’t you do it?” she whined.

“Because I need to sit down with a cup of tea and a damp flannel on my head for the next five hours.”

“Can’t I just shove them under the door to his flat?”

“He said he wanted them for work. Go on!”

“Well, can I at least finish my tea?”

“Sure,” he said with a fake smile. “We can sit and have a nice long chat over a cuppa. So… how was the sex?”

“Alright, I’m going.”

***

Rae arrived at the Green Bean Café, surprised to see that it wasn’t all that busy. Every place had lulls, she figured.

There were two young women behind the counter, including the one who had served her last time she was here. She went up and asked if she could speak to Finn, and the woman looked confused but went to get him anyway.

He came out of a back room and appeared to deflate when he saw Rae waiting for him. “You asked to see me?” he said, stepping aside to talk to her privately, arms folded across his chest.

“I just came to bring you these,” she replied as she handed over the earbuds.

“Thanks.” He took them from her and shoved them in his pocket, folding his arms again. “…Is that it?”

“I dunno, should we talk, maybe?”

“I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Later, then?”

“I s’pose.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll be home all day, so come by whenever you get off work.”

“Fine.”

As she left, a small part of her expected him not to show up at all. Which was smart, because he didn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a brief panic attack in this chapter.

Rae shouldn’t have been surprised.

She felt like an idiot for even momentarily thinking that Finn might actually like her; that she wasn’t just the most proximate vagina—in both location and age—to him at the time.

But his silence spoke volumes. He was back to barely speaking to her when they passed each other in the corridor or ran into each other at the supermarket. Which made her appreciate his previous obnoxious behaviour, because at least then she had felt somewhat acknowledged.

A week had gone by and they hadn’t really talked yet, but Rae knew what was what. He was embarrassed about that night because it was a mistake, so she had to show him that she wasn’t making a big deal out of it.

She went back to the Green Bean Café—partly to see him, and partly because she was still avoiding Simon at Starbucks.

When she got there, Finn was nowhere to be found, so she pretended to be making up her mind about her order until he came out from around back. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

“Hi, stranger,” she said, walking up to the counter casually. “I’m here to lodge a formal complaint about the courgette brownies.”

“We don’t have any today,” he replied tersely.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m here to complain about,” she teased.

“Comment cards are by the door.”

“And who reads those? You?”

“Normally, yes, but for you I’ll make an exception and chuck it directly in the bin.” He flashed half a sarcastic smile at her.

“That, my friend, sounds like a waste of paper.”

“It’s recycled.”

“So, why are there no courgette brownies, exactly?”

“Our menu changes daily—if you’d ever bothered to come here more than once, you’d know that.”

“I’m a very busy person, as I’ve mentioned before.”

“You write clickbait articles for a living.”

“I write other stuff, too!”

“Your book of short stories? Yeah, good luck with that.”

She sighed impatiently. “Can I order my coffee now?”

“Why don’t you go order one from your ‘boyfriend?’”

“He’s not my _boyfriend_ , remember? Besides, yours is better.”

“Yeah, well, I coulda told you that,” he said with a smirk.

“So are you gonna get me some or not?”

He exhaled loudly before pouring some coffee into a takeaway cup. “Here,” he said, setting it on the counter in front of her. “Take it.”

“You just assume I’m leaving?”

“Like you said, you’re very busy.”

***

Rae had a mini heart attack when she got home and found Simon sitting in her flat. She figured Archie had let him in, but she was not ready to deal with him yet.

He stood up as she walked into the room, like she was the Queen or something.

“You can sit,” she said.

“Okay, right.” He looked like he was about to sit down, but then he stopped and took a step towards her, as if he was going in for a hug. He hesitated, though, and eventually sat back down after hovering for a second.

She sat in the chair across from him. “Why are you here?”

“You didn’t return any of my messages and I haven’t seen you at Starbucks all week—I just wanted to check that you were alright.”

“Oh.” _Get a life, buddy,_ she thought to herself.

“Look, if you don’t want to see me anymore—”

“It’s not that,” she said, though she wasn’t sure. “I’ve just been really busy.”

“Oh, okay…” He didn’t appear convinced. “Are you busy now?”

“Well—”

“No, she isn’t!” said Archie loudly from the kitchen.

“Can’t you eavesdrop on someone else?” she called back to him.

“I can get lost, if you two want some time alone,” he said from the doorway.

“No, we’ll just—we’ll go out, yeah?” she said, looking to Simon for agreement.

“Yeah, okay,” he said uncertainly.

She walked past Archie and told him she’d be back in a little while.

“I’ll hold my breath,” he replied.

Simon followed her out of the flat and crashed into her when she halted suddenly in the corridor.

Finn had just begun to unlock his door but stopped as he noticed the pair of them. “What?”

“Uh, nothing,” said Rae. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“At my own door?”

“I just thought you were still at work.”

“I left early. Shoot me.” He looked at Simon disdainfully before returning his attention to the door. “I s’pose you two’d better be off before it gets late—it’s a school night.” He jerked the doorknob to get it open and went inside.

***

It wasn’t all that late by the time Rae returned home—alone—but she wasn’t expecting Finn to be there, hanging out with Archie. She had sort of assumed that if there was a rift between her and Finn then there would be a rift between him and Archie as well. Solidarity, you know?

“Back already?” said Archie as he half-concentrated on the game he was playing with Finn.

“We just went for a burger, that’s it,” she replied, taking a seat in the armchair.

“Bloody carnivores,” Finn said with a grimace. “Hey!” he added when Archie paused the game.

“Sorry, mate. Nature calls.”

Rae moved her legs so Archie could get past her. “So are you ever going to talk to me again, or…?” she said to Finn, who was staring at the frozen image on the television screen.

“I feel like I’ve been talking to ya all fuckin’ day.”

“Hardly.”

“Well, what do you want from me, huh?”

“I want you to tell me why you’re acting so weird—”

“I’m not acting weird.”

“Look, it wasn’t a big deal, alright? We were just drunk and—”

“I’ve gotta go,” he said, dropping his controller and standing up. “Tell Arch I’m sorry, but I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“Wait, where are you going?” She got up and followed him.

“Home.”

“But—”

“Jesus, Rae!” He stopped at the front door and turned to look at her. “I don’t need to talk to you—we’re not friends. We’re neighbours, that’s it.”

She wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but she was still reeling from the shock. _We’re not friends_. Those words stung, even though she’d never really thought of him as her friend, exactly.

Thankfully he left before she started crying.

***

Okay, so, there was one thing Rae hated more than doing the washing up: bra shopping. But her favourite of her only two bras broke and started stabbing her in the chest, so she needed a new one.

There was only one place at the local shopping centre that carried bras in her size, which narrowed down her search substantially but also limited her options. By the time she found the right one, she’d tried on eleven different bras in three different sizes, and it cost an arm and a leg. But it fit and it was cute; a rarity in extended sizes.

She left the store with her purchase, but didn’t watch where she was going, and nearly tripped over someone who was bent down to tie his shoes.

“Sorry!” she said, before her stomach dropped when the owner of the shoes looked up at her.

“Fucking hell,” he grumbled as he stood up.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too, Finn,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“Excuse me.” Finn started to walk past her but she grabbed his arm.

“Wait, we need to talk—”

“No, we don’t, I told ya.”

“Well, I say we do!” She looked around and realized the middle of a shopping centre was not the best place to have this conversation. “C’mon,” she said, dragging him to a nearby disabled toilet.

She locked the door once they were inside. “There, now you can’t leave until you talk to me.”

“I could just unlock it,” he said, trying to reach the door handle behind her, but she held him off.

“Look, I don’t care if we’re not friends—I just want to go back to the way things were before.”

He crossed his arms and stared down at his shoes.

“I get it,” she continued. “You’re afraid that since we had sex I want something more out of it, but I don’t. It was stupid, but it’s in the past now. You don’t need to worry about me—I haven’t fallen in love with you or anything so you can stop pushing me away.”

“Wow, Rae, you’ve really hit the nail on the head,” he said dryly. “Are we done now?” He grabbed the door handle and tried turning it, but it wouldn’t unlock. “No…”

“What?”

“It’s stuck.”

“Let me try.”

“If I can’t get it to move, what makes you think you can?”

“I’m smarter than you,” she said, shoving him aside to try her hand at it. It still wouldn’t budge. “I think the lock is jammed.”

“No kidding!” He grabbed a fistful of his hair. “We’re stuck and we’re going to die in here—Jesus Christ!”

“We’re not going to die in here, you idiot.”

“Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit,” he said as he paced the small room.

“Calm down, we’ll get somebody to fix it,” she said, pulling out her phone.

“I can’t do it, Rae. I can’t do it!” He leaned against the sink and massaged his forehead. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck—”

He stopped talking all of a sudden and she looked at him curiously. “Finn?”

“Remember how I said I don’t do confined spaces?”

“Okay, we’ll get you out of here, just hold on.” She used her phone to look up the number for the shopping centre’s security department.

When she looked back at Finn he was sitting on the floor with his hand on his chest, hyperventilating.

She kneeled down in front of him. “Just breathe and count to ten,” she said as calmly as she could, though she was freaking out and didn’t know what to do.

She called security and explained the situation with the door briefly.

“Okay,” she added to Finn once she was off the phone. “Security’s on the way, we’ll be out soon. You’re gonna be fine.” She could tell his breathing was still too quick and shallow and worried he was going to pass out or something.

“Listen to me,” she said, holding onto his hands to get his attention. “Finn! Listen! Breathe with me, okay? In… and out… In…”

His breath was shaky and his inhalations came before he finished exhaling, but he was slowing down. He had steadied off a bit by the time help arrived.

***

After the embarrassment of having to tell the shopping centre security what the two of them were doing in the disabled toilet, Rae was just glad that Finn was okay as they rode the bus home.

“I’m sorry I said we weren’t friends,” he said, quietly enough so that other people on the bus couldn’t hear him.

“I’m sorry I told you to eat a bag of dicks,” she replied.

“You never told me that.”

“Oh. Well, I meant to.”

He chuckled a little. “Apology accepted.”

When they got to their building, she followed him into his flat just to make sure he was still fine and had everything he needed. She told him to sit down and got him a glass of water.

“I have to be at work in twenty minutes,” he said, rubbing his temples.

“Call in sick,” she said as she sat down in the chair next to him.

“I can’t do that…”

“You just had a fucking panic attack and you clearly still have a headache—it’s okay to take care of yourself, you know. Besides, you’re always covering for other people when they’re sick.”

“It’s my job.”

“So, it’s their job to cover for you when you need it, too!”

“Fine.” He got his phone out of his pocket to start texting. “If my assistant manager isn’t available, I’m going in, though.”

“Ugh, alright,” she sighed.

Less than a minute later he received a response. “Okay, she’ll do it,” he said.

“Good.” Rae stood up and patted him on the shoulder on her way past him. “I’ll get out of your hair, then, unless you need something else.”

“Wait, Rae…”

She stopped at the doorway and looked at him. “Yeah?”

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t pushing you away because I thought you were in love with me or anything. I just… I didn’t want you thinking I was making a bigger thing of it than you were. I don’t normally just ‘hook up,’ y’know?”

“Oh.”

He stood up as well and leaned against the wall. “But you’re seeing someone else, and I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“So, if Simon was never in the picture, you wouldn’t have frozen me out like that?”

“I don’t know, Rae.” His eyes bore into hers. “What would you have done if he wasn’t in the picture?”


	7. Chapter 7

Rae couldn’t bear to look Finn in the eye any longer, his question falling heavy on her shoulders. What would she have done if Simon weren’t in the picture? Would she have even hooked up with Finn in the first place? Would she have wanted something more from him?

“He’s hardly in the picture,” she said finally, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

“I saw you with him a few days ago.”

“He just showed up unannounced, what was I supposed to do? Besides, he’s nice, and there’s no point tossing him aside for nothing.” She glanced at him on the word “nothing.”

“Did you tell him, then?”

“Don’t be daft! Why would I tell him?”

“I would want to know if the girl I was seeing was fucking some other guy!”

“Who was you, by the way, so I don’t know why you’re taking his side.”

“Do you even like him?” he scoffed.

“Yeah, I mean… I dunno, I guess. He’s nice.”

“But does he, like, turn you on and that?”

“Jesus, Finn!”

“I’m serious!”

“I dunno, we haven’t really done anything yet—”

“And don’t you think you would have by now if he turned you on? I’m asking as your friend.” He took a few steps closer, still leaning against the wall with his shoulder. “And as your friend, I don’t think you should be wasting time with a guy who doesn’t do it for ya.” He looked her up and down and raised his eyebrows at her as if to say, “Right?”

“As my friend,” she said, nodding.

“You should be with someone who gets your juices flowing,” he continued, biting his lip in a way that Rae found strangely seductive. “Someone who can make you tremble.” He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “Someone who can make you scream ‘fuck!’”

She felt a wobble in her knees and had to lean against the wall as well—she’d never really thought ‘fuck’ was that sexy of a word until he said it like that, hitting the K extra hard.

“So, do you have any suggestions?” she said in as steady a voice as she could manage. “As my friend, of course.”

He looked down for a second, then back up at her. “Well, as your friend, I’d say find someone you actually fancy. That way you might not get drunk and screw another bloke,” he said with a smirk.

She balled her hands into fists and pushed off the wall. “You know what? You can just back the hell off and stop slut-shaming me—it took two of us to do it, so why am I the bad guy here?”

His expression quickly became worried and he stood up straight. “I didn’t mean it like that—”

“Then how did you mean it? Do you think I just sleep around with anyone? Which, by the way, I should be allowed to do without your judgment!”

“Well, you slept with me and you don’t even like me! So…”

“Of course I like ya—”

“As a friend, maybe.”

“And you like me more than that?” she scoffed. “You were just drunk.”

“So were you!”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t fancy you—” She stopped herself when she realized what she had said. That couldn’t be true, could it?

He looked surprised. “Do you really?”

“Uh, I mean… You know… I just—”

He looked at her hopefully with those puppy-dog eyes and she melted a little.

“I guess… maybe… you’re not so terrible,” she said.

“That’s almost a yes.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? You’re not interested, so—”

“Whoa, who says I’m not interested?”

“Are you?” she asked skeptically.

He chewed the inside of his lip nervously and looked at the ground. She waited for him to say something but he didn’t.

“Fine, I’m sick of your jokes,” she huffed, turning to leave.

“Wait, Rae!” he said as he grabbed her arm to pull her close.

Memories of the other night came flooding back to her as he kissed her. The smell of his skin. The taste of his lips. The lust-filled look in his eye as he took in her naked form.

Their lips parted and he rested his forehead against hers. “I might be interested.”

***

Things had escalated quickly, Rae thought as she shimmied to pull on her underwear. (There was no graceful way of pulling up one’s underwear when one had a bottom like hers.)

After admitting that he “might be interested,” Finn had kissed her again, slowly at first, but gradually building. It wasn’t long before she’d had him pinned to the wall. One thing led to another and they wound up defiling one of his armchairs.

Now he watched as she wriggled into her underwear, smiling.

“Don’t make fun of me for how I get dressed, alright?” she said with a laugh.

“I’m not,” he said defensively as he pulled on his own boxers. “I like it, the way your hips move and your tits bounce; it’s gettin’ me going again.” He rubbed his groin and she called him a pervert.

Once they were fully clothed again, she stood awkwardly by the doorway, wondering if she ought to leave.

“D’you want something to eat?” he asked as he walked past her and through to the kitchen. “I haven’t had lunch yet.”

“I should probably get going,” she replied. “I have work to do.”

“Hold on a minute,” he said, holding onto her as she walked by to keep her from leaving. “I blew off work for you, can’t you do the same?”

“You didn’t blow off work for me, you did it for your health,” she pointed out.

“Is that so? It wasn’t some elaborate plan of yours?”

“I’m not that clever.”

He smiled and kissed her.

“But I really should get to work. I have a deadline this week and I haven’t even started.”

“Alright.” He looked so disappointed that she thought it was kind of sweet.

“We should hang out again soon, yeah?” she added. “I’ll call you.”

***

Rae called Finn the next day, after going to his flat and finding he was not there. “Where are you?” she asked when he finally answered his phone.

“At work.”

“Oh. Duh. Sorry. I’ll call back later—”

“Don’t be silly,” he said with a chuckle. “I was just doing boring inventory, it can wait.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight…”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“I dunno…”

“D’you want to maybe get something to eat with me? I know a place that does good vegan food and _carnivore_ food.” She heard him take a sip of something.

“You say ‘carnivore’ like it’s such a bad thing. I’d have thought you’d be glad that I like to eat meat, if you know what I mean.”

“—Jesus Christ, Rae, you’ve nearly made me spit out my tea!”

“So, tonight, then?”

“Are you talking about dinner… or something else?”

“Dinner, of course.”

“Right. Well, I’ll be done at seven if you want to meet me here.”

“Okay. I’ll see you then.”

***

It was five after seven by the time Rae arrived at the Green Bean Café, but it was already closed, so she waited outside. It was cooler out than she was expecting, so she rubbed her arms to keep warm.

She was startled when the door opened suddenly.

“I’m going to be five more minutes,” said Finn. “Come inside.”

She waved politely at the young woman behind the counter who was counting the money in her register. Another guy was putting all the chairs up onto the tables. Finn had gone to a back room and she wasn’t sure what to do while she waited, so she started putting chairs on tables as well.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked with a laugh when he came back out and saw her.

“Just thought I’d help.”

“I’ve just got to lock up Catherine’s cash box and we’ll be going, yeah?”

He headed to the back again and the barista followed him, disappearing some place Rae had never seen. She’d always been curious about places that were off-limits. (When she was little, she was in child-care at this woman’s home, and the bedroom was off-limits, but one time she went in because she just couldn’t resist not knowing what was in there—it was full of Star Trek collectibles, as it turned out, and she got in big trouble.)

But this time she resisted the urge to go snooping, and just waited out in the café, making awkward eye contact with the guy tidying up.

Finn finally returned and told her they could get going. He thanked his staff for helping him close up, and then he and Rae were off.

It was only a few blocks to the restaurant he had chosen. Rae took a look at the menu as they sat down, noticing that, while there was a mix of vegan and non-vegan items, they all looked “healthy,” which didn’t appeal much to her.

“Can’t I just have a burger and chips, or somethin’?” she asked skeptically.

“They have one right there,” he replied, pointing to an item on her menu.

“That’s a turkey burger with ‘yam frites,’ whatever the fuck that is.”

“We can go somewhere else if you like—”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get the fucking turkey,” she grumbled.

She needn’t have been so cynical, however, because it turned out her turkey burger was delicious, with rocket and red pepper jelly, which sounded weird but tasted amazing.

“How is it?” Finn asked her once they’d had a few bites of their meals.

“Alright,” she said casually, not wanting to admit that she was wrong to have been so judgmental.

They returned to their building after finishing their meal, stopping in front of Finn’s door. Neither seemed sure of what to do next; it was their first date, after all, despite having already engaged in other activities—twice.

“So…” she began awkwardly. “I should probably…”

“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I’ve got work tomorrow, so…”

“Call me when you’re free, then?”

“I will.”

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek before they each went into their respective flats.


	8. Chapter 8

“What. The fuck. Is _he_ doing here?”

Rae looked at Finn in confusion as she stepped out of the lift after him, and then turned her attention out the front doors of the building.

“I have no fucking clue,” she said, staring in disbelief.

“Are you still seeing him?” Finn asked angrily.

“What? Of course not! I haven’t responded to any of his messages since you and I…”

“Well, then why is he here?”

“I told ya, I don’t know! Look, you go on ahead, I’ll talk to him and then meet you there.”

Finn looked like he wanted to argue but knew that he didn’t have time; he had to get to work.

They exited the building, where Simon gave them both a courteous smile.

“Excuse me,” Finn said in a huff, pushing past him.

“What are you doing here?” Rae asked Simon, folding her arms across her chest.

“You weren’t responding to me again, and I just—”

“I told ya not to come ‘round unannounced anymore!”

“I know, but I thought—”

“I know you mean well, Simon, but you need to take a hint.”

“Oh…”

“Look, I like ya, okay, but I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.”

“Neither am I!”

She gave him a condescending glare. “I can’t have someone worrying about where I am if I choose not to answer for a few days. That’s just how I am.”

“I can do that. I can be relaxed about it, now that I know that’s what you want.”

“That’s not all, though,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I’ve already slept with someone else since we started seeing each other.”

His face contorted into an expression of pain and surprise, his mouth forming a tight line. “I see…”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, but… I don’t mind that it did. And, really, you deserve better than that, which is why I didn’t call you back. I know I should have told you sooner, but I thought maybe you would just forget about me…”

“Okay, then.” He looked like he was still processing all this information.

“I’m really sorry, but I just can’t be tied down right now.”

“No, it’s fine. I get it. I’m just… I’m gonna leave now.”

He turned and started to walk away, clearly unsettled, and Rae let him continue a couple of blocks since he was headed in the direction she wanted to go. (She supposed she could never show her face at Starbucks again, either.)

She had been planning to walk with Finn to the café and do some writing there, but this had sort of thrown a wrench in the works. She just hoped he would listen to her.

When she got there, Finn was behind the counter talking to the baristas about something. She approached nervously and stopped a couple metres away to let them finish, but he noticed her and ended his conversation abruptly.

“Finn,” she said, taking a few steps closer.

“I’m kind of busy,” he said seriously.

“Look, I can explain everything, okay?”

He sighed but finally motioned for her to follow him around behind the counter to the back room. The “back room” was actually a small corridor with stacks of supplies, like boxes of napkins and takeaway cups, leading to a staircase. She followed him up the stairs to an office, where he shut the door behind them.

“Go on, then,” he said to her, hands shoved in his pockets.

“Alright, well, the thing is, I kind of forgot to tell Simon I was done seeing him—but that being said, I hadn’t seen him or talked to him in ages, so he should have taken the hint. Anyway, he just came by because he was worried about me since I hadn’t responded to any of his messages, but I had no idea he was going to be there. I promise.”

“Okay...”

“Okay?”

“Yes, Rae, okay. What else do you want me to say?”

“Tell me what you’re thinking or something!”

“I’m thinking… that you misled me into believing that you were going to end it with him as soon as we decided to start things up. I’m thinking that I don’t know if I believe that you haven’t seen him in that time. I’m thinking—”

“Whoa, whoa! I’m not lying!”

“I know what it’s like to be cheated on, Rae!”

“I’m not _cheating on you_! Today was the first time I’d seen or talked to him since you and I officially got together, so—”

“Fine.”

“Are you saying ‘fine’ ‘cause you believe me or ‘fine’ ‘cause you want me to stop talking and go away?”

“I believe you,” he gritted through his teeth.

“So, we’re alright?” she asked, mentally bracing herself for his possible reaction.

He sighed and his expression softened. “Yeah, we’re alright. But I should get back to work.”

He opened the door and stood there, waiting for Rae to leave first, but when she got there he surprised her with a kiss.

“We’re alright,” he whispered.

***

Rae groaned and rolled to her side, covering her ear with a pillow. Finn was at it again with his damn blender.

She loosened her grip as the noise finally subsided, but nearly jumped when there was a knock at the bedroom door.

“Wake up,” said Finn. “I’ve made breakfast.”

Rae slowly made her way out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. It was the first time she and Finn had spent the night together since they were drunk, and the first time she spent the night at his place ever. It was a little disorienting first thing in the morning because, although very similar to her own flat, the layout was slightly different due to it being a single bedroom unit.

He had her sit down at the small kitchen table and set in front of her a glass of greenish brown sludge.

“What the fuck?”

“Just try it,” he said as he sat down across from her with his own glass.

“What is it?”

“Think of it like a chocolate milkshake…”

“But what is it actually?”

“Frozen banana, baby spinach, dates, almond milk, cacao powder—”

“So, vegan crap.”

“Rae, everything I eat is ‘vegan crap’ according to you.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to eat it.”

“Try it, though, you might enjoy it.”

She reluctantly took a sip from the glass straw, and it actually wasn’t so terrible. It basically tasted like banana and chocolate—she couldn’t tell there was spinach or anything like that. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her assessment.

“It’s alright, I guess,” she said, taking another sip. “Though I get the feeling that you’re trying to convert me.”

“I’m not! I mean, if you felt like it, sure I’d help you make the transition, but I’m not gonna ask you to.”

“But you’re going to make me feel guilty when I eat meat and eggs and stuff?”

“No. I don’t care what you do; that’s your choice. This is mine. Just don’t expect me to cook you steaks or anything.”

“I don’t expect you to cook me anything,” she said with a derisive laugh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I dunno, it’s just so…domestic.”

“And you don’t think I can be domestic?”

“No, I’m the one who can’t be domestic.”

“Well, I’m not asking _you_ to cook for _me_."

“Yeah, but I hardly ever eat home-cooked meals and stuff.”

“What? Do you just eat out all the time?”

“I eat cereal a lot…”

“Rae, you’re twenty-seven years old—”

“Twenty-six! I’ve got a few months left!”

“Too old to be eating cereal for dinner.”

“I thought that was the point of being a grown up; I can do whatever I want.”

“That’s it. Tonight I’m cooking for you.”

“No, really, you don’t have to—”

“Do you like tofu?”

“Of course not,” they said in unison.

“Don’t worry,” he added. “I’ll think of something.”

But Rae was worried. Not so much about what he was going to cook for her—she knew she’d be grossed out by whatever he made—but because she was afraid of all this… domesticity.

***

“Are you going to be spending the night at Finn’s again?” Archie asked Rae when he got home from work.

“I don’t know,” she replied without looking up, sitting in the lounge with her laptop on her knees. “Why?”

“Just, if you were, then I might invite a friend over, is all.”

She snapped her laptop shut. “Archie! Have you got a boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just… seeing each other a little bit.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“A couple months.”

“A couple months? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, when it started you were still single and I didn’t want to bum you out, and then you were with Simon, which I knew wouldn’t last—”

“Thanks for telling me that now.”

“—and now you’re with Finn, and…”

“And what?” she asked skeptically.

“…And who knows how long _that’s_ going to last?” he finally answered.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you don’t have the greatest track record, do ya, Rae? I mean, the past few years I haven’t seen you commit to a single person.”

“I’m committed to you, aren’t I? To our friendship?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the same, is it?”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that you’re afraid to get too involved and get hurt again, so you just keep people at arm’s length. It’s why you cheated on Simon—”

“It’s not cheating if we weren’t really in a relationship! It was casual!”

“Okay, but the fact that you chose to remain casual shows that you didn’t want to commit.”

She thought for a moment. “What about Finn, then?”

“What about Finn?”

“Well, I’m sort of committed to him, aren’t I? I mean, he seemed adamant that he didn’t want me seeing anyone else, and I was fine with it. Growth, you see?”

“Not seeing anyone else isn’t the same as being committed, though.”

“We’ve just started going out! I’m not gonna ask him to marry me or anything!”

“But are you going to open yourself up to him enough that some day you could?”

Rae scoffed. “Marriage isn’t the be-all end-all for everyone, Arch.”

“It doesn’t have to be marriage; are you willing to try to build a partnership? Or is this just about sex?”

“Jesus Christ!”

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but I know Finn pretty well now, and I know he doesn’t do relationships half-assed,” said Archie. “But he’s wary, Rae. Ever since his last girlfriend cheated on him—”

“Wait, his last girlfriend? The one I remind him of?” she asked. “Does he think I’m some sort of substitute for her?”

“No, I think he likes you in spite of your similarities, which are superficial only. She sounds like a terrible person, to be honest.”

“Worse than me?”

“Well…”

“Thanks, Arch.”

“I’m kidding. You’re great, Rae. You just… you need to work out your commitment issues before it’s too late.”

“Too late?”

“He’s not going to wait at arm’s length forever, is he?”

***

Rae had cancelled her dinner with Finn—despite Archie’s protests—claiming to have a headache. Maybe she did have a headache. Archie had given her a lot to think about and it was too much to handle. She knew she needed to talk to Finn at some point, though. He didn’t do relationships half-assed, but she wasn’t sure that she could whole-ass one, and it wasn’t fair to make him think that she could.

“How’s your head?” he asked when she came over the next night.

“Oh, uh, better,” she replied uncertainly as she hovered by the door. “I needed to talk to you, though—”

“Look, I get it. You don’t want to eat my weird vegan cooking, and that’s fine. We can go out tonight, if you want. Though someday you’re going to have to learn to cook for yourself or learn to like what I make, because we can’t go out every—”

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about—well, not exactly.” She shut the door behind her. “I mean, here you are, going on about our plans for the future, even if it’s just meal plans, but I don’t know how long this is even going to last.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m inevitably going to fuck this up somehow—I always do—so maybe we should slow down and keep things from getting too…serious.”

“O…kay… So, wait. Define ‘too serious.’”

“You know, like, we’re cooking for each other and spending nights together—”

“You mean couple stuff?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So you don’t want to be a couple with me, you just want… What do you want?” He tilted his head and frowned at her.

“I like you, Finn, and I like spending time with you, I just—I don’t know how to… It’s like, with Simon, he was nice and I could have spent a long time with him and done couple stuff because I didn’t really feel anything for him. There was no risk, right?”

“Risk of what?”

“Of getting hurt.”

“You… You think I’m going to hurt you?”

“If I get too attached, yeah.”

“Oh, okay, I get it,” he said, nodding. “You only care about you. You only care how this affects you. You can put up an emotional wall to keep you safe, but then what happens to me, huh? I’m left talking to a wall!”

“This is why I wanted to tell you in advance—”

“But this isn’t in advance, is it?” He waved his arm in the space between them. “We’re already together; I’m already invested!”

“How could you possibly be invested already?”

“Do you remember when you said to me, ‘God can suck it’?”

“Yeah…”

“That was the moment I knew I wanted to be with you. That it was more than a physical attraction.”

“You’ve got a strange sense of priorities.”

“That may be, but the fact remains that I want this to work, you and me. But if you’re telling me that you can’t be all in, then maybe you just shouldn’t be in at all…”

“Finn…”

This wasn’t the reaction she was expecting. She somehow thought he would be fine with the idea of keeping things casual, despite what Archie had said about him not doing relationships half-assed. She thought he’d make an exception for her; she wasn’t really worth any sort of commitment from him, was she?

And yet, despite her insistence that they not get too serious, the thought of not being with him at all hit her hard. She could feel a lump forming in her throat and left quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

“You’ve been crying in your room for three days,” said Archie, standing in the doorway to Rae’s bedroom.

“I’ve not been crying for three days,” Rae replied from her bed.

“Sulking, then. In any case, it’s not good for ya.”

“I’m such an idiot, Archie.”

“I agree.”

“Oi!”

“Why don’t you just apologize, tell Finn you were being an idiot, and that you want to be together for realsies.”

“What if he won’t take me back?”

“He will.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because he asks me how you are every day.”

“And what do you tell him?”

“The truth.”

“Archie!”

“What? I told him that you’re miserable. You are miserable, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t need to know that. He’s the one who broke up with me, remember?”

“Only ‘cause you told him you didn’t want to be with him!”

“Don’t get technical with me, Archibald.”

“Look, I know it’s his day off today, so he should be home right now. Why don’t you go talk to him and maybe you can sort this out. Because clearly you have stronger feelings for him than you’d like to admit, and he deserves to know that, at least.”

“I can’t go over there looking like this!”

“I assure you, he doesn’t care. Maybe it will help sell the point that you’ve been missing him, anyway.”

Rae grumbled indecipherably as she climbed out of bed. She tried to rake down her matted hair with her fingers and glanced in a mirror, which was a bad decision. She grimaced, but Archie grabbed her arm and dragged her to the front door.

She opened it and stepped into the corridor, stopping when she saw someone leaving Finn’s flat. A woman.

This woman was full-figured, though a little smaller than Rae, and walked confidently, almost regally, in a way Rae never could. She had long dark hair in loose curls and wore a bodycon dress—the kind Rae would never have the guts to wear. She glanced over her shoulder and gave Rae a tight-lipped smile before heading towards the lifts.

Finn poked his head out of his doorway and watched the woman walk away for a moment before he noticed Rae standing there.

“Who was that fucking gorgeous woman who just walked out of your flat?” she asked angrily once the woman was in the lift.

Finn folded his arms and leaned against his doorframe. “That was my ex.”

“And why was she here? I thought you hated her.”

“I do. She was just returning some of my stuff.”

“After this long?”

“I told you she wasn’t very thoughtful.”

“How convenient of her to show up right after we’re through, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, well, I figured if I was just going to have meaningless sex anyway it should be with someone I already hate, right?”

“You did _what_?”

“Oh, relax, I didn’t. But why should you care, anyway?”

“I don’t,” she lied.

“You don’t?”

“You can do whatever you like. I’m not your girlfriend, which was your choice—”

“It was _your_ choice, Rae. You didn’t want to be a couple with me so we’re not a couple.”

“I just didn’t want to get hurt…”

“Well, congratulations.”

“Wait, Finn—”

He went inside and shut the door.

***

Rae hadn’t gotten any work done for nearly a week and deadlines were piling up. She needed to go somewhere without the distractions of home where she could get caffeinated. But both Starbucks and the Green Bean Café were no longer options. (She really needed to stop dating people who worked in coffee shops.)

She looked up the nearest coffee shop on Google Maps that wasn’t either of the two that were off-limits and walked there with her laptop. When she arrived, however, she was mortified.

Of all the places she could have gone, she chose the coffee shop where Finn’s ex-girlfriend was currently sitting at a table, on her tablet, ignoring the world around her.

Rae considered turning around and leaving, but realized that would be stupid. She didn’t even know this woman; it wasn’t as if there would be any problem. However, by the time she went to sit down with her order, the only table left was the one right beside Finn’s ex.

The young woman looked up as Rae sat down and squinted at her for a second. “Do I know you?” she finally said.

“Uh, I don’t think so,” Rae replied, trying not to make eye contact.

“No, I saw you a few days ago. You were in your pyjamas. You’re neighbours with my friend, Finn. D’you know him?”

 _Friend?_ “Oh, uh, yeah. I know him.”

“Of course you know him, you live next door. He’s kind of hard to miss, isn’t he?”

“I guess.” Rae couldn’t understand why this woman was still talking to her.

“I’m Baritte,” she added, offering to shake Rae’s hand.

Rae wanted to gag, but shook her hand in return. “I’m Rae.”

“Oh, you’re Rae! I’ve heard a lot about you. All good things, I assure you. I’m his girlfriend, you see—well, ex-girlfriend, but it’s complicated. You know how things can be.”

“Yep. Complicated.”

“Anyway, he told me he’d become friends with Rae and Arthur—”

“Archie,” Rae muttered, but Baritte kept talking.

“—next door. I just wasn’t expecting _you_ , because I thought ‘Ray’ was a guy’s name! How silly of me!”

“Happens a lot.” Rae pulled out her laptop to end the conversation, but paused and thought for a moment. “So, how did you hear about me and Archie? Was it the other day when you were visiting?”

“Um, it was several weeks back, I think. Shortly after he moved in, he came ‘round to pick up the rest of his things.”

“I thought… I thought you brought the rest of his things a few days ago…”

“No, that was just a social visit.” Baritte laughed a little. “Well, I say social, but, you know…”

Rae seethed quietly.

“He’s just been dumped—I don’t know if you know this—but anyway, he just needed an old friend’s company for a while.”

“You two are still friends?”

“We’re trying, anyway. Has he… has he mentioned me?”

“You might have come up once or twice.”

“I imagine he wasn’t saying very nice things, but I assure you I’m not some kind of monster.” She laughed again. “I’ll admit I made some mistakes in our relationship and I understand that he needs some time apart to process that, to see other people, but he’ll come back. He always does.”

“That’s…good for you.”

Baritte’s phone beeped on the table and she picked it up. “Oop, my ride’s here. It was nice to meet you, Rae. Hopefully I’ll be seeing you again soon!”

***

Rae waited until Baritte was gone before she left as well, leaving her unfinished coffee on the table. She needed to confront Finn immediately.

She marched over to the Green Bean Café and stormed right through to the back, without even asking Catherine where Finn was. She opened the door to his office without knocking and startled him in the middle of a phone conversation.

He told the person on the other end that he’d call them back before hanging up and turning his attention to Rae. “You can’t just barge into my office, you know,” he said.

“I just ran into ‘Baritte,’” she said, with air quotes. “And she said some really, really interesting things.”

“I highly doubt that, but go on. What did she say?”

“Well, she said that she wasn’t at your flat to drop off your stuff, but rather that it was a ‘social’ visit. She said that you saw her a few weeks ago and told her that I existed—without letting her know that I was female. Oh, and she said that your relationship with her is ‘complicated’ right now, but that you’ll always go back to her.”

“Yep,” he replied, nodding. “That sounds like the sort of shit she’d say.”

“So it’s not true?”

“Yes and no…” He scratched the back of his head and sighed. “Okay, when you saw her the other day, she was dropping off a book I’d let her borrow, but it’s true that it was partially social… I’ve known her for six years, Rae. Technically, she’s my oldest ‘friend’ besides my mates from back home. And I was feeling really down about us…”

“Did she _cheer you up_ , then?”

“No. She tried to convince me that I should get back together with her. That she’s changed. But I told her she could become a fucking saint and I still wouldn’t go back to her.”

“She seemed pretty confident you would when I talked to her.”

“I may have fallen for her bullshit in the past, alright? But I’m not like that anymore.”

Tears started to prickle Rae’s eyes and she clamped them shut to try to stem the flow. “The way you talked about her,” she began, her voice shaking, “you made it sound like you despised her. And now I find out you’re basically friends with her. You tell her about your life. You let her in your home. You let her think she still has a chance with you—”

“What do you expect me to do, Rae?” he said angrily. “I spent six years of my life with her—over half of my adult life. I don’t know who the fuck I am without her yet. She stole those years from me with her lies, I know, and I shouldn’t let her steal anymore, but when it’s all you’ve known for so long…”

She wiped a couple tears from her cheeks. “I can’t be her replacement. I can’t be the nice version of her, to make you comfortable.”

“You aren’t—you weren’t!” He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Look, you may have reminded me of her at first, but as soon as I got to know ya, that went away. I like you because you’re you, Rae, not because you’re anything like her.”

“Of course I’m not like her. She’s all sexy and confident and stuff.”

“You’re more so than you’d like to think.”

She looked him in the eye and there wasn’t a hint on his face that he was joking. “I’m cruel like her, though. Aren’t I? I mean, the way I treated you…”

“Cruel would have been to keep leading me on when you weren’t really interested. And you only did that a little.” He smiled a little to indicate he was teasing. Sort of.

“I was interested, though.” She took a deep breath. “I _am_ interested.”

“In what?”

“In… something… with you. I thought I could take a step back and be okay, but I’m not.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to depend on another person for my happiness, though—I need to be okay by myself.”

“You’re allowed to want someone else, to be with someone else, without depending on them for happiness.” He put his hand on the side of her face and brushed her cheek with his thumb. “But you can’t just avoid building relationships with people for fear that they’ll make you happy. That’s absurd.”

“I’m a fucking idiot, Finn,” she said through sobbing laughter.

He smiled at her again. “Go on.”

“Cheeky.” She jabbed him playfully in the side.

“Hey! Watch it!” he said, grabbing her arms to stop her.

They both laughed and squeezed each other’s hands.

“So, what do we do now?” she asked when their laughter had subsided.

“Do about what?”

“About us. Are we…friends? Neighbours? What?”

He interlaced his fingers with hers. “That depends what you want.”

***

“You don’t have to do that,” said Finn.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Rae replied. She picked up their dinner dishes from the table and took them over to the sink. “It’s only fair—you do the cooking so I do the washing up,” she continued. “But just know, I’m only doing this because I still want you to like me. Once we’re married I’m never washing a single dish again.”

“That doesn’t incentivize me to marry you, though, does it?”

“Don’t worry,” she said, walking back towards him. “I’ve got other ways of convincing you.”

He smiled and put his hand on her hips. “Hmm, I’d like to see that.”

“All in good time.”


End file.
